Conversations with my psychiatrist…

You can only look at a woman for a really short time before it gets counted as a stare. He had read that somewhere. In fact whatever he knew he had read from somewhere.

‘How long have I been looking at her…?’

‘Does she think that I’m staring at her…?’

The voices in his head would not shut up. He could see her lips moving but couldn’t make any sense of it. She was saying something. He closed his eyes and willed his mind to quiet down. …….

‘Are you all right..?’, her voice brought him back from his trance. She was watching him intently.

‘Yes doctor, I’m all right.’ , he answered after a moment of awkward silence. He studied the nameplate on her desk, ‘Dr. Neha Gupta’. She looked too young to be a psychiatrist.

‘You appear tense, do you want to lie down..?’ , she pointed at the couch near to the window. It was the first time in his 21 years of life that a woman had asked him to lie down…. he complied. She pulled a chair and sat down near the foot of the couch. Then the talk began……

‘Pranav , right..?’

‘hmmm..’

She sat there taking notes in her notebook with me lying on the couch staring blankly at her. After taking sometime to organize her thoughts she resumed.

‘So Pranav, what should we talk about..?’ , a friendly smile appeared on her face.

‘I don’t know doctor,  I haven’t really talked to a woma… ahem, psychiatrist before.’

‘It’s okay… So, what seems to be the problem that you wanted to see a psychiatrist..?’

‘uhh… I thought you could tell me that… that’s why I came.’

‘Oh.. then, what’s troubling you..?’

‘Doctor……’

‘Yes, you can tell me… there’s no one else here.’

‘Doctor… I think I’m insane…’ , though used to such patients she was amused at his directness.

‘Is that why you came..? because you think that you are mad.’, she asked… a grin on her face. It was obvious she was trying to get him to relax and it seemed to work too.

‘….. yeah, I thought what’s the harm in getting yourself checked.’ , she let out a chuckle and he felt himself calm down.

‘don’t worry… a lot of people who come to me think they are.’, she told him as a matter of fact.

‘ well… do they feel cured when they leave…?’

‘hmm… I can’t tell you that… but I can tell you no one has ever discontinued their sessions with me, they always come back.’

He eyed the contours of her body and said with a smirk, ‘ I can see why…. I mean, I’m sure they do.’

Before she could retort, her phone rang and she answered it. It seemed like someone of importance. He scanned the room for photos or any other evidence for her being married or having a boyfriend. It seemed unlikely that a beautiful woman like her would be single. She hanged up and started apologizing…

‘Sorry about that…’ , a moment’s hesitation and then she continued.

‘Is it okay if we reschedule this session for another day…? ,family emergency..’

He was feeling really comfortable on the couch, it took him some time to reply.

‘I guess so.’

‘I’m really sorry..’, she said, stood up and walked to her desk to check her list of sessions for the week.

‘Friday, 5 pm..?’

He sat up on the couch, ‘Fine by me.’

The session was over and he stood up to leave. She was rearranging her desk and gathering some things into her handbag. Before seeing himself out he glanced back at her one last time reveling in the grace with which she tucked the locks of hair that fell onto her face behind her ear, the earring shining in the rays of light that reflected off it. The door closed behind him and he whispered to himself….

‘3 more days till Friday..’