Warning
: This might come through as ‘unsahikably’ narcissistic and nonsensical… but
since you are already here, go ahead.
I’ve
always tried to hang out with ‘cool’ dudes. It has helped me on countless
occasions to project a pseudo-cool image of myself. Once you’ve had an entrée to
their peer group, keeping ‘cool’ takes quite an effort. You’ve to keep
yourselves abreast of the various profanities in vogue and buy branded
underwear(it’s all about the inner beauty) so that you don’t become the odd one
out; brownie points if you can ‘outbrand’ them. You’ve to listen to music of
the likes of Linkin Park and Eminem, be opinionated about their latest song and
talk about it as if Eminem were your cousin. You’ve to permanently reserve part
of your brain for the sole purpose of coming up with witty punch lines, double
entendre, vulgar jokes, etc…. it’s like training to be a Stand-up comedian.
Given my less than reputable sense of humour, it’s a miracle that I’ve not had
to sit up late in the night thinking up jokes and writing them down. Oh wait…
on second thoughts I think I might have done that a couple of times. Coming up
with a joke isn’t as much of a big deal as is the execution. You’ve to rehearse
the joke like a meticulously prepared screenplay, manipulate the conversation
towards something that resembles your screenplay, wait for the right moment and
then jump in with the joke…… the process is exhausting and demands commitment.
Once
you’ve found some footing within the group, it’s time to find and assume your
role in it…. I mean you’ve to ask yourselves,
‘Am
I the guy who sings parody songs with quirky lyrics or am I the guy with the
incessant supply of toilet/potty jokes..?’
‘Am
I the nerdy intellectual kinda cool guy who can quote Christopher Nolan or
David Fincher movies and can talk volumes about why Inception and Leonardo
DiCaprio are respectively the best movie and actor of our time.?’
‘Am
I the weird geeky kinda cool guy who can tell you the significance of the new
tattoo on Angelina Jolie’s derriére..?’
One
day all this stress got to me and I confessed,
‘Dude,
it’s too damn difficult to be cool!!’
One
of them after due consideration of the statement spoke,
‘You
know what’d be cool?’
After
a moment of ‘wait-for-it’ he says, ‘getting a tattoo!!, you know.. like Angie
in ‘Wanted’...’
‘On
my butt..?’, I laugh at his suggestion.
‘No
idiot, on your arm or somewhere else… how can you even compare yours with hers.’
Snide
as it was, that comment sorta opened a pandora’s box. But in between the
opinions and insights on derriéres that followed, compelling arguments were
made in favour of me getting a tattoo.
Some
months later when my right arm was at the receiving end of the pain caused by
an inked needle, I found myself wishing…
‘If
it weren’t for Angie and her bum…’
P.S
All
the cool guy characteristics mentioned here are very real and bear direct
resemblance to some guys I hold in high regard.
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